By Susan Posluszny, MA, NCC
Endings are the clearing process which allows us to move on with new beginnings in our personal and work lives. Through the work of William Bridges, author of the well known classic, Transitions, we learn that the transition process begins with an ending. For those who are unemployed (willingly or unwillingly), an awareness that the transition process has predictable stages, with the first one being an ending, can serve as an aid in dealing with and moving beyond the loss.
There are four different aspects of the natural ending experience. They do not occur in any specific order. They are as follows:
Disengagement - a separation from the familiar place in the social order (a pilgrimage, divorce, death, job loss, and illness are examples of disengagement). These, and many lesser events, disengage us from the contexts in which we have known ourselves. They break up the old system that served to reinforce our roles and to pattern our behavior.
Disidentification – in one way or another, most people who are in transition experience a sense of not being quite sure who they are anymore. The person loses a sense of self-definition and tends to question…”Who Am I?”
Disenchantment – involves the discovery that in some sense one’s world is no longer real. Separated from the old identity and the old situation or some aspect of it, a person floats in a state of limbo between the old world and the world that is yet to be experienced. Disenchantments come in many forms: relations that proved unfaithful, leaders who are unethical, idols who are petty and dull, and when a trusted organization betrays your trust. Moving forward involves recognizing that a shift in perspective may well be in order…that is the realization that your old reality was in your head, not outside of you.
Disorientation – the old reality provides a sense of which way is up and which way is down. In other words, our old way of being serves as a way of orienting ourselves and of moving forward into the future. When the old reality is gone, a period of confusion and distress takes hold.
If you can relate to any of these aspects of transitions, it’s no surprise. They are a natural part of career and life transitions. For many of my clients, just knowing that they are not alone in these experiences is comforting.
Finding endings to be challenging is common. A current change or transition can trigger old hurts and old losses. Endings may involve letting go of old outlooks, attitudes, values, hopes, dreams, fears, beliefs, and/or perceptions of self and others. We all have different ways of coping with endings and working through the sense of loss. For me, one thing that often helps is clearing away clutter or cleaning out a closet. That physical act of removing old items that are no longer wanted or needed sets the stage for letting go of old perceptions or beliefs that are self limiting. When dealing with endings, it can also help to continually remind ourselves that endings open the door to new opportunities. You know the saying…one door closes and another one does open.
About Susan B. Posluszny of OPTONS for Career & Life Planning LLC
Susan Posluszny is a Master Career Counselor with over 25 years of career counseling experience working with adults in career transition. She loves helping people to expand their vision of career possibilities, identify a direction that’s a great fit and follow through to reach their goals. She also coaches teens with college major choices. You can visit her on the web at www.careeroptions4me.com
